She can’t sit still. He is bored in school. She thinks she knows everything. He says he is dumb.
Our children approach the act of learning in many different ways. Some of them dive right in as if gaining knowledge is like exploring a dark cave… mysterious, but invitingly intriguing. Other children approach learning with cautious nervousness as if learning were some scary monster to be kept at an arm’s length. They poke at this learning thing with an outstretched stick testing it to make sure it doesn’t jump out at them.
As parents and teachers, we can fall prey to the thinking that learning is pre-packaged for all students and that it’s one size fits all. Lessons are planned out, curriculum picked out, assessments formatted to see if students reach targeted goals that declare them on grade level, without the student in mind but the skills we want them to know. We say,
“Here is what learning looks like.”
“Here is what a good student looks like.”
“Here is how I learned.”
“Here is normal… fit in! Get in my box and get comfy. Fit in.”
So, what do we do with those children who just…
DON’T FIT IN?
Well, let me introduce you to some of them.
First up: the reluctant learner.
You may already know them. They hear the word school and start crying. This bad word you just spoke at them. They despise learning. There are lots of excuses they can produce as to why they sit through lessons begrudgingly with gritted teeth. Today it’s too hard, tomorrow it’s too boring, and the next day it’s too… something else. Nothing works for them because they just don’t want to sit through school. Learning isn’t fun for them. It’s work. They are tired and disinterested and unmotivated to work for the learning that would happen if they are invested in what’s being taught.
So let’s get them invested in learning by investing time and consideration into how they learn and what they want to learn about. How long can you sit with someone talking at you? Don’t you roll your eyes through faculty meetings where the presenter spends 45 minutes discussing what could have taken 10? Or worse, information that could have been sent in email?! And how much learning do you actually get done in real adult life that is presented to you in some formatted way? Doesn’t authentic learning happen through experience? These reluctant learners learn best when they don’t even realize they are actually learning. Now I am not suggesting that you abandon all traditional approaches to instructing this type of child because that is not reality. We want to establish in our kids the ability to be resilient and flexible, but we too must be flexible and resilient. If our students don’t want to learn, we need to try to inspire a love of learning so that learning new things isn’t a fight, but rather an adventure. We need to let them get their hands dirty. We need to let them learn based off of the curiosities. We need to show them that we value their learning process, and that they aren’t just a name to be checked off of a list.
Next I present to you: the self-proclaimed “dummy”.
This is the sweet spirited little person that desires to learn but finds it is too difficult for them. They don’t get the joys of catching on to something quickly, and each compliment they hear is another untrustworthy word you spill from your lips and shower them with. They say, “No… I’m stupid. I’ll never be as smart as HER or as quick as HIM.” Hearing those words come out of that little mouth is crushing. The mommy in you wants to erase those words from existence. You want to crawl into their mind to replace those lies they believe with the confidence that speaks truth over them. “You are full of purpose and potential… YOU are worth something.”
It’s so hard trying to teach someone who doesn’t think they can learn. We can’t deal with the content we want them to know before we show them they CAN learn it. They don’t need empty accolades and excessive pats on the back. What they need is to discover their own ability for themselves. How? Start with the person in mind. Find something where they can feel successful and surprise them with their own ability. All people can learn. Yes, it might take some longer than others to master a skill, but is there some unspoken race of learning that I didn’t know about? Who cares how long it takes for someone to get there… It just matters that they get there. These learners need their confidence built up and they need to stop comparing themselves to Molly and Joseph who are faster and smarter than they are. It is more important that you build within your child the love for the process of learning, understanding that it’s okay to make mistakes and that there’s importance and wisdom in learning from inevitable mistakes. Model this process in front of them. Make light of your own mistakes so they learn from you that perfection isn’t expected, but that there is beauty in the journey of trying. Sometimes you fail and sometimes you succeed … it’s all a part of being a lifelong learner. Make learning a safe thing and FUN thing. Take it slow and build up the learner. Don’t be so concerned with how much quicker “those kids over there” are learning than your child. When they know they can ….they will want to … and they will.
Up next for introductions is the child who, while you’ve been reading this blog as intently as you can, has been running circles around you. You’ve probably had to put this blog down twice already to chase after them and pick up what they’ve knocked over.
Let’s turn our attention to the hyperactive child.
They can’t sit still and can’t “focus”… that “getcha” word we are all guilty of thinking means a whole lot more than it should. Now, I know I have created for some of you this image of who “Tiffany” is… so put together and organized and calm. Boy have I got you fooled! If you really know me, you know this category has me written all over it! I talk super-fast and my hands go flying with my every word like I’m directing an orchestra of conversation. I pace the class and need my students talking and walking and creating just so I’m not bored. And if you talk with me for more than 15 minutes, don’t be offended if I ask you to repeat yourself. My mind can’t stay fixed on one thing for too long. I’m making mental checklists or thinking about what’s next in preparation all while listening to you. Teacher friends, I was THAT kid on your school roster at the beginning of the school year, and all the other teachers let off sighs of relief because I get to be your special challenge for the year and not theirs. I had creative modes of transportation down staircases and always returned home from outdoor play with grass stains, cuts, scrapes, and more energy still abounding. My poor, patient parents sat through meetings where acronym after acronym were tossed about and people constantly trying to stick labels on me. They wanted me tested and put me in a more “specialized” class where I would receive support since the teachers I had just couldn’t “handle me”. It wasn’t an academic problem … It was an “I don’t fit” problem. I was hyper and couldn’t sit still and didn’t fit what was expected of me as a student in traditional class.
Since when do kids have to shut up and sit down? When did it become okay to expect our children to only be children at the playground and during PE and outside after school? Why do we expect them to be little adults during class time? We want calm, cool, collected, mature little seven year olds. Doesn’t that seem, absurd?! Learners like me need flex time and creative learning and authentic life lesson opportunities and social development. I wanted to learn… I just didn’t want to sit. I didn’t want to be told something. I wanted to experience something. Explore something. Discover the learning on my own.
Trying to get these students to sit and be quiet is a losing battle and one that frankly needs not be fought if it doesn’t stem from defiance, but from just being an antsy kid. Hey, I still can’t sit still! Once we get over the fidgets, we can get them to “focus” on learning by including them in the learning. What I mean by that is, consider the type of learner they are. If they need movement, incorporate movement. If they need more discovery and less lecture, you try being quiet and let them do some of the talking and exploring. These type of students need to be doing and moving and thinking non-stop. This is when learning is engaging for them. When it is non-stop them-doing. Sure, you will need to step in here and there to guide and clear up misconceptions. But don’t stop them for too long. If they are anything like me, being paused and spoken to might deter learning more than help it along.
Finally, we have the “this is too easy” learner.
These little friends are so excited to learn but each time they are given a task they breeze right through it. Although what they think they know may not always be true knowledge as much as perceived, sometimes things for them truly are just too easy. What to do what to do? Crank it up a notch for these… Take the lesson the extra mile. When they say it is too easy, ask them to take it a step further and increase the challenge. There is a fine line between a task that is challenging or crushing, so handle with care. A child’s confidence is a beautiful thing to be nurtured and tended. Don’t breeze over when your child says what was given to them as a task was too easy. Take that as a teacher challenge for yourself to up the ante. Some of the best challenges I’ve given my students start with “that was too easy” and lead me to saying something like “okay, awesome… How can we make it a bit more challenging?” They might ask to do further research on the topic and present it in a unique way. They might ask to find a new way of coming to the same mathematical conclusion or develop their own lesson on the same or similar topic you shared. It doesn’t matter what type of extension or enrichment you allow as long as it’s student-centered and you aren’t doing all the choosing. Let’s not limit a child’s learning to the strict restraints of an age group or grade level or curriculum suggested scope and sequence. If a child wants to go deeper and learn further than you planned, then unplan a bit and be flexible and quick to adjust your instruction to fit the student.
The last student I would like to introduce you to is yourself:
Parent / teacher / bus driver / circus ring leader / nurse.
The wearer of many hats!
Whether you are the full time homeschool teacher of your posse or the part-time teacher because your darlings receive out-of-home schooling first and you do secondary teaching at home by way of homework and such, YOU are the most difficult student of all because you are responsible for both the learning and the teaching. You need to teach your children how to be life-long learners and students by showing them how you dance through your life in all of its glories and woes. YOU, the parent, are the most effective and powerful teacher.
I will not sit here trying to fit your children any more into this sub category or the next. For me, I fit in at least 3 of the boxes mentioned so far. Instead let’s rip away the box lids and think of each child not like a box to be stuffed into but a well, a deep drinking well for drawing out waters of life and joy.
Be well fillers and teach them how to fill and be filled. Teach your children that they are cisterns waiting to be filled and even in rain and storms, it is satisfying. In mistakes and imperfections they are being filled with knowledge and new understanding. Teach your child the art of being a thirst quencher for others… When people come to sit at the banks of these well-children you have developed, that people can take in their kindness and knowledge, and be encouraged and inspired.
Your child is so much more than hyper, bored, disengaged, too smart, too stupid They are a well of potential and promise.
And mom, relax. Don’t try to fix your child because their assigned box is too small for them. You juggler of hats, give yourself a break and just dig and fill those wells. Help your child be deeply rooted in truth and assurances of who they are and whose they are. Dig and fill wells. Don’t box stuff. Just be a well digger and filler, and create in your child the space to think, be creative, and be free to challenge norms respectively and purposefully. Let’s not just say children are our future, let’s secure that future with fresh water from the wells we have dug and sustained and tended to with love.
Fill them and may they be full to overflowing. Full of life. Full of the love of learning. And full of life lessons they were taught by the best Teacher there ever was.
